The Yllescas Family: Anniversary...

Friday, July 24, 2009

Anniversary...

The girls and I have been really busy the month of July. Julia had a "kiddie college" that my mother in law enrolled her in all this week and she's also watching Eva for me. As much as the break is nice, I really miss those little turkeys! They keep my mind busy and fill my heart with joy. Next week I leave for Dallas for a Mary Kay seminar. I'm really looking forward to this for a couple of reasons. It is an amazing thing to be a part of and I know it will really help me with my new adventures in Mary Kay. But, I'm also extremely grateful to be going, especially next week, and to be surrounded by extremely upbeat, positive women. Next Wednesday, July 29th, would have been Rob's and my 9th anniversary. It's so hard to believe we would have been married that long. Next year for our 10th anniversary, he was going to upgrade my wedding ring. The things he did to get out of buying me diamonds! :) Seriously, though, when I think about my first anniversary without Rob, so many emotions go through me. On that day, I can't even look up to heaven and say "Happy Anniversary" to him. It's not happy. So, I'm trying to figure out what exactly I can say. I do know this though: if I knew 9 years ago that this is how it would turn out, I, without a doubt, would still have married him. Of course, I would have done things differently. I would have cherished our time together more, laughed more, loved more, fought less, and hugged tighter. But I will forever cherish the times we did spend together and the 2 beautiful girls we have. So, thank you Rob for giving me a wonderful life with you. Although it was cut extremely short, I am grateful for the time I had with you. You made me a better person. You loved life and your enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I love you so much.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...: My heart breaks for your loss and sacrifice, and I am humbled by your warm and articulate posts. All Americans owe your husband, and your family, an incalculable debt.

God be with you and your daughters.; July 24, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Nancy Christian said...: You see, you just said the right things once again! He would love to know that you are and will always be such a strong and beautiful woman. What you said was the perfect thing to tell him up in Heaven. Have fun in Dallas and give me some good makeup tips! My eyes go away when I smile! What can I do?!?!?!

We love you all here at the Fisher House!

Nancy; July 24, 2009 at 8:57 PM
Karen said...: I love you Dena!; July 25, 2009 at 12:08 AM
Michael said...: i had to laugh when i read the bit about the things rob did to get out of getting you diamonds! i'm sure he's having a bit of a chuckle in heaven. but you should think about getting yourself something special anyway! diamonds... as well as true love... are for forever!; July 25, 2009 at 8:45 AM
Nancy said...: I totally understand what you mean. Each year, we feel so lucky to celebrate Ryan's, "Alive Day" And, while we look at the date he was injured as a benchmark of how far we have come, saying "Happy Alive Day" just does not roll off the tongue without a little something in your head telling you- 'this is not quite right!' It's kinda like, "Happy Memorial Day" too...

So, "Happy Anniversary" without sweet Rob there to celebrate with you? I totally get how you are feeling.

That being said, I suppose the "Happy" part of any celebration really talks about recognizing how far you have come, and what wonderful things you have enjoyed in the past. And those two things, you have a lot of.

So- in advance- "Happy Anniversary to you". In recognition of everything you two went through in your lives together, and all the happy times that were shared.

Thinking of you all the time...

xox

Nancy; July 25, 2009 at 2:30 PM
Heather said...: Oh Dena,
Wow, what a powerful entry. Each milestone date is always going to be difficult, especially for the first year. However, you are such a strong and brave woman and I know that Rob is watching over you. He feels the same pain you are feeling and I know he wishes he could be here to hold you one more time too. Hold those memories of the past 9 years close to your heart and remember the good times on the 29th. Have fun at the MK conference and smile as much as you can. I'll be praying fo you!

Heather in Helena, MT; July 25, 2009 at 4:29 PM
Gizzy said...: Hey-

I was thinking about you and the girls today and thought I'd pop on to say hi. I can't believe how much they've grown!! Your house looks great and your courage to face the changes in your life is admirable. Hugs to all of you!!!; July 25, 2009 at 4:49 PM
The Bender's said...: Girl...so beautifully written. And am so glad you are heading to a Mary Kay function with family during your anniversary. Please know many all over will be lifting you up in prayer as the healing continues.....We LOVE you Yllescas Girls!

Huggies,
The Bender Bunch; July 25, 2009 at 7:26 PM
gemmak said...: I don't comment often but I always read and you always inspire me. I hope on your anniversary, though it won't be a happy one, you can remember all the happy times and let those be of comfort. xx; July 26, 2009 at 4:41 PM
brat said...: {{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}

You are all always in my heart and my prayers - every day.; July 27, 2009 at 12:15 PM
AFSister said...: *sigh*
I'm trying not to cry as I write this. David Marron pointed out your post in today's Thunder Run, so of course I had to go back and read the archives. I knew the outcome, but it was still hard to read. There was so much optimism in your voice!

But there still is. You recognize what is most important- the fact that you married a man who loved you, your family, and your country with all his heart and soul. You grew together, made it through 2 deployments without incident, and kept your faith through his injury and ultimate death.

You amaze me. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you know you'll be in the thoughts and prayers of many today and in the future.; July 27, 2009 at 12:54 PM
Carol said...: Well have fun in Dallas. I hope I'll get there again. You all have fun. I think you should also get something specail for your self too. Love Carol; July 28, 2009 at 9:26 PM
Tiffany said...: Thank you for sharing your story with the cyber world. I found your blog accidentally, and as a military wife I feel connected to you, a kinship somehow. The sacrifice your family has made is not forgotten. You sound like a wonderful family! I know your husband would be proud of your strength and perseverance. Please continue to share your story.; July 28, 2009 at 10:11 PM
The Bender's said...: Thinking of you and Rob, even more than ususal. Today, as you face the first anniversary since your angel warrior went to do his eternal mission, remember as you always state so beautifully that your's and his love is eternal as well. May that give you some peace as you feel the overwhelming feelings of missing him.

We love you,
The Bender's; July 29, 2009 at 9:13 AM
Me said...: My heart goes out to you! I know this is frustrating and just plain unbearable! I am praying for you and those beautiful girls! Good luck!!!; August 4, 2009 at 5:03 PM
Kim Decker said...: Not fair. You should get a yearly pass on tough days like an anniversary. Hang in there girl and call me any time.; August 6, 2009 at 10:37 PM

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home... But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats One by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there. 'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out. 'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, 'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.' The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. 'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart.' With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere there in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud. 'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he is a Marine and died just this past year When a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away' And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side. 'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far. ---Author unknown