Charlie Brown Kids

Julia and I attended the Charlie Brown Kids support group last week.  At first, Julia was clingy and didn't want me to leave her, but eventually she let me go to be with the adults and she was just with the other kids her age.  The adults spoke about how their spouse died and they gave advice about certain things they learned through their process.  It's nice talking with other adults who are in the same situation as me.  When Julia was done, I asked her how she liked it.  She said "It was good."  She didn't really say more on the subject which is pretty common I've been told since children internalize things.  Over time, I think she'll open up more.  She was the only girl in her group of about 8 children.  Most of the boys had lost their mothers to cancer.  One thing Julia did say to me about this was "At least they are boys and they have their dads so they can do boy things together.  It would have been really bad if you had died because daddy would NOT have known how to do my hair!"  Again, out of the mouths of babes!

Then this weekend we had a great visitor.  The exchange student from Sweden who stayed with us when I was a senior in high school had a business trip in California and stopped on his way to see us.  It was a quick trip but really nice to see him.  He told me that what happened to Rob really opened up people's eyes in Sweden to the war that was going on and how it can hit really close to home.  The last time I saw David was 8 1/2 years ago.  He came back from Sweden to be in Rob and I's wedding.  David is truly like another brother to me and I'm anxious to meet his wife and daughter.  We've made a point that it won't be another 8 1/2 years before we see eachother again!

As always, I'm up to my eyeballs in paperwork.  And as always, people have been amazing at helping me sort through it.  The days continue to be an emotional rollercoaster as I know they will continue to be for a long time.  But knowing we will be living in our own house with our own things shortly has helped some.  Even though I will still have the same amount of paperwork and stress at least it will be in my own home and Eva can pull out all the cans in MY pantry as I'm working instead of my brothers! :)  

The pictures are of David, Julia at dance, and Eva in a tutu I made for her 1 year photos.

Again, thank you thank you thank you for all your continued support and prayers.

We found a house

Well, I did find a house that I liked that I'm in the process of buying.  Julia was really really excited.  Before she saw it, I told her "Julia, you'll have to tell me if you like it."  She said "Mommy, I'll like anything as long as I can have my things back."  But, she did really like the house.  She said her favorite thing was the patio and her least favorite thing was "it needs a walk in pantry."  I think it's so funny that she said that considering she's 7!  I really think it will be great for the girls and I to get settled into our own place with our own things.  It's in a great location close to both of my brothers.  I think that Rob would be really proud of me for getting this house.  It's perfect for the 3 of us.  It still makes me sick, though,  to think that Rob will not be living with us in this house.  I would live in a cardboard box if it meant we could have Rob back again. On another note, Julia and I are going to the Charlie Brown Kids support group tomorrow night.  She is super excited to go.  I'm really glad about that because I think this will be great for her.  Again, thank you for the continued support.  Even though life goes on for us, it's still a struggle every day.  I still have a lot of emotions I'm dealing with.  And being a single parent is not easy.  At least when Rob was deployed, I had a light at the end of the tunnel.  I knew he would be coming back and would be able to help me out.  But now that light is gone.  I can't say enough how wonderful it is to have such amazing family and friends to help me out.  Thank you.

House Hunting

Today my parents came down and we looked at a few homes. I found one that I absolutely love so we'll see how it goes. A part of me hates moving into a new home because Rob and I built our house in TX and had so many memories in it, but I also know that in order to move forward, this is something I need to do. Like I said before, realistically, I can't live in TX. It's too far from my family. Rob would want me to try to be happy and move forward. No matter how badly I want him back, there's nothing I can do to change what happened. Rob's biggest worry was how the girls and I would be if something should happen to him. I promised him we'd be ok when I last spoke to him at the hospital. I have no doubt he's watching over us helping me make the right decisions in everything I have to do try to get back to "normal" life. But right now, "normal" seems so far away. I keep being told that things will get better and the pain will ease over time, but right now that seems hard to believe. No matter what, Rob will always have a part of my heart. As "they" say, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

Link to our house

I've posted a link to our house I'm selling in Tx.  It's on the right side of the blog.  If you have any questions regarding it, please feel free to email me or my realtor.  The house is a lot bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside.  It's over 2000 sqft.  

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year.  I had a nice night out with my brothers.  They took me to a friends house.  When I got there, they had made a surprise slide show with pictures of me and others who recently had birthdays.  It was so funny seeing me in my younger days!  On New Year's Day, we watched the Nebraska football game.  It was a good game.  We won, but I can't help but think, Rob might have helped in pulling a few strings!! :)  As you have all noticed, I have a new "face" for the page.  I decided since it was a new year, I should focus on the new us.  I'd like to take credit for how good it looks, but of course, my all-too-talented friend Nancy deserves the credit.  Thanks, Nancy!!!  I'd like to say that I' m getting into the swing of things, but I constantly hit roadblocks.  It is such a headache ironing out all the kinks.  I know with time, these will diminish, but until then, I'm working on a few gray hairs.  Starting in January, I'm going to have Julia start attending a support group called "Charlie Brown Kids".  It's specifically for children who've lost parents.  I think it will be great for her.  She'll be able to relate to these other children and not feel like she is the only one who this has happened to.  They also have a group there for the surviving spouse so it will be great for me too.  However, depending on how it goes, I may see a counselor one on one too.  I know I've said this before but there are so many emotions going through me on top of having to deal with the everyday things.  It's extremely overwhelming.  I feel like I'm running a hundred miles a minute but barely moving.  In a few days, I am going to try to post a link to our house I'm trying to sell in Texas.  It's really a beautiful home and I hate to sell it but it's unrealistic for me to keep it when I'm up here.  So, if any of you know anyone who's moving to the Ft Hood area, let them know about our house.  They will be able to click on the link and see all the details.