Happy Mother's Day

Today I went back to Osceola to visit my parents.  As I always do, I went up to the cemetary to visit Rob alone.  As I was sitting there next to him, I couldn't help but think: "This is so messed up that I'm visiting my husband in a cemetary."  I see this dirt mound with 10 American flags sticking out all over it and have a hard time picturing my Rob laying there.  This is the continuing ride on the emotional roller coaster.  I'll be having a good day and then something will trigger my sadness and I'll breakdown--if only for a few moments.  The other day I was going through Julia's school bag.  In it I found a card she had written and drawn.  It said "To daddy.  From Julia."  On it she drew a picture of the four of us.  She then wrote "I miss you.  I love you."  I found another picture she had drawn.  In the middle was a big cross.  On the cross she wrote "We love God!"  Then she drew pictures of birds and grass.  On the top there were 2 people.  One was labeled "God" and the other "Daddy".  Bless her heart.  I find comfort in knowing she is expressing herself through drawing.  Later that day, I was going through Eva's toy box.  At the bottom, I found the daddy doll.  This is a doll we had made for the girls before Rob deployed.  It is a small pillow with Rob's head to toe photo on it.  I took it out and gave it to Eva.  She grabbed it and kissed it.  When she did that, I broke down in tears.  Well, Eva thought this was hilarious seeing mommy crying like that and started laughing at me!  What a way to cheer mommy up!  Little turkey.  I know that life as I knew it before Rob died will never be the same.  He will always be a part of me just not in the physical form.  Mother's day this year has so much more meaning to me.  The last gift I ever received from Rob was a hammock he bought me for Mother's Day last year.  He knew how much I wanted one, so he went out and bought me one, hung it on the tree, and surprised me by having me come out and see it.  I was so happy.  I'm anxious to get that put up at my new house.  I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful mom and mother in law.  I thank God everyday for them.  When times are tough, I know I always have them loving and supporting me.  My mother in law has been so supportive and has helped me with the girls SO much!!  My mom has comforted me on those rough days and been by my side every single day.  If I can be half the mom my mom is, I would be thrilled.  So, thank you Barb for loving me like one of your own daughters.  And thank you Mom for giving me the strength and encouragement to get through this so I can be the best mom I can be for my girls.  Happy Mother's Day to the best moms in the world!