Friday, July 24, 2009

Anniversary...

The girls and I have been really busy the month of July.  Julia had a "kiddie college" that my mother in law enrolled her in all this week and she's also watching Eva for me.  As much as the break is nice, I really miss those little turkeys!  They keep my mind busy and fill my heart with joy.  Next week I leave for Dallas for a Mary Kay seminar.  I'm really looking forward to this for a couple of reasons.  It is an amazing thing to be a part of and I know it will really help me with my new adventures in Mary Kay.  But, I'm also extremely grateful to be going, especially next week, and to be surrounded by extremely upbeat, positive women.  Next Wednesday, July 29th, would have been Rob's and my 9th anniversary.  It's so hard to believe we would have been married that long.  Next year for our 10th anniversary, he was going to upgrade my wedding ring.  The things he did to get out of buying me diamonds!  :)  Seriously, though, when I think about my first anniversary without Rob, so many emotions go through me.  On that day, I can't even look up to heaven and say "Happy Anniversary" to him.  It's not happy.  So, I'm trying to figure out what exactly I can say.  I do know this though:  if I knew 9 years ago that this is how it would turn out, I, without a doubt, would still have married him.  Of course, I would have done things differently.  I would have cherished our time together more, laughed more, loved more, fought less, and hugged tighter.  But I will forever cherish the times we did spend together and the 2 beautiful girls we have.  So, thank you Rob for giving me a wonderful life with you.  Although it was cut extremely short, I am grateful for the time I had with you.  You made me a better person.  You loved life and your enthusiasm rubbed off on me.  I love you so much.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for your loss and sacrifice, and I am humbled by your warm and articulate posts. All Americans owe your husband, and your family, an incalculable debt.

God be with you and your daughters.

Nancy Christian said...

You see, you just said the right things once again! He would love to know that you are and will always be such a strong and beautiful woman. What you said was the perfect thing to tell him up in Heaven. Have fun in Dallas and give me some good makeup tips! My eyes go away when I smile! What can I do?!?!?!

We love you all here at the Fisher House!

Nancy

Karen said...

I love you Dena!

Michael said...

i had to laugh when i read the bit about the things rob did to get out of getting you diamonds! i'm sure he's having a bit of a chuckle in heaven. but you should think about getting yourself something special anyway! diamonds... as well as true love... are for forever!

Nancy said...

I totally understand what you mean. Each year, we feel so lucky to celebrate Ryan's, "Alive Day" And, while we look at the date he was injured as a benchmark of how far we have come, saying "Happy Alive Day" just does not roll off the tongue without a little something in your head telling you- 'this is not quite right!' It's kinda like, "Happy Memorial Day" too...

So, "Happy Anniversary" without sweet Rob there to celebrate with you? I totally get how you are feeling.

That being said, I suppose the "Happy" part of any celebration really talks about recognizing how far you have come, and what wonderful things you have enjoyed in the past. And those two things, you have a lot of.

So- in advance- "Happy Anniversary to you". In recognition of everything you two went through in your lives together, and all the happy times that were shared.

Thinking of you all the time...

xox

Nancy

Heather said...

Oh Dena,
Wow, what a powerful entry. Each milestone date is always going to be difficult, especially for the first year. However, you are such a strong and brave woman and I know that Rob is watching over you. He feels the same pain you are feeling and I know he wishes he could be here to hold you one more time too. Hold those memories of the past 9 years close to your heart and remember the good times on the 29th. Have fun at the MK conference and smile as much as you can. I'll be praying fo you!

Heather in Helena, MT

Gizzy said...

Hey-

I was thinking about you and the girls today and thought I'd pop on to say hi. I can't believe how much they've grown!! Your house looks great and your courage to face the changes in your life is admirable. Hugs to all of you!!!

The Bender's said...

Girl...so beautifully written. And am so glad you are heading to a Mary Kay function with family during your anniversary. Please know many all over will be lifting you up in prayer as the healing continues.....We LOVE you Yllescas Girls!

Huggies,
The Bender Bunch

gemmak said...

I don't comment often but I always read and you always inspire me. I hope on your anniversary, though it won't be a happy one, you can remember all the happy times and let those be of comfort. xx

David M said...

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 07/27/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.

brat said...

{{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}

You are all always in my heart and my prayers - every day.

AFSister said...

*sigh*
I'm trying not to cry as I write this. David Marron pointed out your post in today's Thunder Run, so of course I had to go back and read the archives. I knew the outcome, but it was still hard to read. There was so much optimism in your voice!

But there still is. You recognize what is most important- the fact that you married a man who loved you, your family, and your country with all his heart and soul. You grew together, made it through 2 deployments without incident, and kept your faith through his injury and ultimate death.

You amaze me. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you know you'll be in the thoughts and prayers of many today and in the future.

Carol said...

Well have fun in Dallas. I hope I'll get there again. You all have fun. I think you should also get something specail for your self too. Love Carol

Tiffany said...

Thank you for sharing your story with the cyber world. I found your blog accidentally, and as a military wife I feel connected to you, a kinship somehow. The sacrifice your family has made is not forgotten. You sound like a wonderful family! I know your husband would be proud of your strength and perseverance. Please continue to share your story.

The Bender's said...

Thinking of you and Rob, even more than ususal. Today, as you face the first anniversary since your angel warrior went to do his eternal mission, remember as you always state so beautifully that your's and his love is eternal as well. May that give you some peace as you feel the overwhelming feelings of missing him.

We love you,
The Bender's

Chrystina said...

My heart goes out to you! I know this is frustrating and just plain unbearable! I am praying for you and those beautiful girls! Good luck!!!

Kim Decker said...

Not fair. You should get a yearly pass on tough days like an anniversary. Hang in there girl and call me any time.