Thursday, January 8, 2009

House Hunting

Today my parents came down and we looked at a few homes. I found one that I absolutely love so we'll see how it goes. A part of me hates moving into a new home because Rob and I built our house in TX and had so many memories in it, but I also know that in order to move forward, this is something I need to do. Like I said before, realistically, I can't live in TX. It's too far from my family. Rob would want me to try to be happy and move forward. No matter how badly I want him back, there's nothing I can do to change what happened. Rob's biggest worry was how the girls and I would be if something should happen to him. I promised him we'd be ok when I last spoke to him at the hospital. I have no doubt he's watching over us helping me make the right decisions in everything I have to do try to get back to "normal" life. But right now, "normal" seems so far away. I keep being told that things will get better and the pain will ease over time, but right now that seems hard to believe. No matter what, Rob will always have a part of my heart. As "they" say, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dena,

Beau and I just got back from Guatemala. We saw Ewald and some of Beau and Rob's other friends. We talked a lot about Rob. Normally when Beau and Ewald get together they make one of those midnight alcohol induced phone calls to Rob to let them know they wished he was there with them. This time we had to settle for stories about Rob. I know Beau really missed Rob. It was like there was a hole that couldn't be filled.

I’m glad to hear about the house hunt. I know Rob is so proud of you and know this can’t be easy to do without him. If there’s anything we can do to help please let us know.

You’ll be happy to know that the baby made it through Central America with flying colors. I had an ultrasound today to make sure the baby faired the three week visit to Central America unscathed. Everything looked great. I’m 30 weeks along and the baby weighs approximately 3lbs 1 oz. I’m due March 19th.

We continue to pray for you and the girls. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.

Love,
Beth and Beau

The Bender's said...

Hey girl...will be looking forward to photos of houses you are looking at! Although it must be hard, you are right Rob would want his family to find a home and you will....it will in time be warm and inviting once again and will no doubt always have a part of Rob not only anywhere you are, but especially in the new home you and the girls make. We love you and are praying for your continued strength and healing. You are and always have been an amazing woman and am so proud to know you and share in our time here and beyond.

And as always, anything, anytime, anywhere,
Karen

Nancy said...

I am so proud of you for taking the brave step forward in looking at houses... I know how hard that must have been for you, but I think it is important for you and the girls to continue moving in a forward direction. Stability (and not all sleeping in the same room!!!) will help you all so much! I know the past few days have been difficult (I'm sure there will be more trying days to come too...) but your ability to laugh at challenges and stick up your chin is amazing to me. You're one tough cookie.

xox

Jodee Leader said...

I am so sorry you have to leave the home you love in Texas. I hope you find the perfect house for you and the girls to move forward in. I couldn't agree more with you -- take one minute at a time!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dena,
My prayers continue for you
and your girls. Best of luck
in your search for a house. Lincoln
has so many wonderful neighborhoods
and schools.
Joan

Liz said...

I hope you can get that house. As always you continue to be in our prayers.

Heather said...

Dena-
You are so right, one foot in front of the other, day in and day out. Rob will never leave your thoughts or your heart. I pray for you and your girls daily. I pray that you are smiling as much as possible, laughing when you can, and loving the only way you know how. Best of luck to you in finding a new home. Bless your family for being so supportive and helpful. While the house in TX holds so many wonderful memories, so too will your new home. Take care and God Bless you!

Heather in Helena, MT

ljf said...

Good luck househunting - know it must be extremely difficult to make such major decisions - we are so glad you have your family close by to help. PLEASE find strength in the tens of thousands of postitive hits your site has received, and please know that just as you are healing by the journaling that you are doing, you are also helping all of us that support you. God's blessings to you all. Don and Linda

Elizabeth Mills said...

Good luck with your house hunt. Who did your background on your blog? Love it.

Take care
Elizabeth Mills

Anonymous said...

Dena,

I want to let you know that I continue to think about you and your girls. I am so proud of you. You are so strong and you are doing all of the right things for your girls. While I don't know exactly what you're dealing with, I have an idea. My dad passed away very unexpectedly when I was 3, my sisters were 6 and 9.
We moved from Oklahoma to Nebraska to be back by family. I don't remember much about that time but I've heard many stories. Counseling is a wonderful gift you can provide your girls. I was so glad when I read that you were joining the support group. I know my mom said to us many times that in those early days and months if it hadn't been for her girls she wouldn't have been able to get out of bed each day. I'm sure you are finding the strength to take each step forward for your girls as well.
You will always love and miss Rob and so will your girls and that will never change. However, I promise the pain will dull and daily life will feel "normal" again. Feel whatever you are feeling in each moment and know that it is all part of the process!

Sending you much love and continued prayers,

Gretchen Anderson

Wendell said...

Dena,
Know we are here if you and the girls need anything! We love and suport you and continue to keep you all in our prayers!
-Uncle Wendell

Amber Kumpf said...

Dena,

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my families thoughts and prayers daily. Keep your head up high and you will get through everything. I am sure that it is very difficult.

Amber Kumpf, Osceola

About The Caddo Tribe said...

Thanks for the update. Our family still prays for you and your girls daily. I know Rob is so proud of you and he is watching over you...and you will see him again someday.

Shani Ginani

Valerie said...

dear Dena and Julia and Eva,
i am so glad that you're finding such lovely houses.....I'm sure that God will help you find just the right one for you and your girls. We do continue to pray for you.....not completely knowing the whole weight you're bearing but having a little idea......I do think that a support group is a wonderful idea too. When I lost my second baby at 5 months, it was a very hard time and going to a support group really helped.....to be able to talk to other people who were going through the same things. love from xela,
Valerie and family

Julie. Soldiers Angels said...

Dena, I hope you get the house you want. Being close to family and support will be so important for all of you. You're doing all the important things to help you keep moving forward as difficult as those steps are to make. You are simply amazing. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Carla Gamblin/A Soldiers Angel said...

Dear Dena,

Not only min. by min., day by day BUT Prayer by Prayer from those of us who love you. You truely are an inspiration, and with such a precious Angel watching over you, guideing you, I know you will make the right decisions. I too look forward to pictures of your new house. God Bless!

Trisha and Randall said...

Dena,
Best of luck with the house hunting. Stay warm!
We are thinking of you and the girls and are glad your family is with you.

Karen said...

We love you, Dena, Julia, and Eva! Dena, I have no doubt that Rob is very proud of you as well. I wish I could give you a hug (or a martini!) right now.

Karen, Jason, Faith and Megs

SB said...

Dena:
I want you to know that I lift you in prayer often. I admire the grace and strength with which you've handled a very hard time. I will probably never meet you but I care very much about your lil family. I'll continue to pray and wish you well.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dena,

I sent the info. on your house for sale to a friend of mine that lives in Harker Heights, TX. She was going to pass it along to anyone she knows that's in the market for a new house. She did say, however, that the market is flooded there (as I'm sure you know), and you might want to consider looking into renting it out. However, I'm sure you'ed rather just not have to worry about it anymore. So proud of how you're handeling everything. You're still in our thoughts and prayers,

Julie McGahey

Anonymous said...

Dena -

I am praying that your house in Texas will sell quickly and to someone who will love it as much as you and Rob have. Also praying for you to find just the right place in Nebraska for you and the girls. Mostly, I am praying that you and your family can find the peace that you are longing for. You are never far from my thoughts. I wonder all of the time how you are doing. Once you start worrying about someone, it's hard to stop. So I am glad for the updates that you put up on this blog site. Hang in there.

Carol Dzurenko

Carol said...

Dena, I don't know what you are going thur it is easy for us to tell you that it will get easier as the days passes. Just know that all us hold you and your girls in our hearts, we care. It would be hard for me if I lost my husband.

Dena it sounds like you are trying to move on by looking for you and the girls a home. Rob would be very proud of you. I do feel in time it will get easier but for now just keep takng baby steps toward your new life.Tell your mom hi from for me Love Carol

nancy said...

Hi Dena, step by step sometimes head down....A sermon on the radio, they said " sometimes when the darkest time hits and you feel alone and God doesn't seem to be there, you just maybe in the palm of his hand with him covering you...and God says, you monkey I have been holding you, your ok, lets keep going...anyways Dena if your united in Christ you are never alone....take care

brat said...

{{{{{{{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sometimes, one breath at a time is all we can manage. And that is okay, too.

I KNOW without a doubt that your guardian angel Rob will always be with you.. Watching over you.

Keeping you all in my prayers - as always with love and faith..

Anonymous said...

Dena,

A new house near your family will be a good step for you and the girls. As you said in your latest post, you just take it one step at a time. Right now, it needs to be minute by minute; but eventually that will stretch into hours, then days and weeks.... Rob IS proud of you, and you can be proud of yourself.

Having a friend who has had to go through this, I can assure you that there will be laughter and peace in your life again.

Hug your kids for those of us who have grown to care for you, even though we've never met.

Another military wife

David M said...

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 01/13/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.