Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Pictures

I know a lot of you are anxious to see some photos of the place.  I haven't forgotten about you but my camera has seemed to have grown legs and walked off.  As soon as I locate it and have some time to take pics, I'll share a few!! :)  We're getting settled little by little.  The realities of life continue to slowly sink in.  I miss Rob so much.  You don't realize how much you take someone for granted until they're gone.  Rob was such an amazing father and husband.  He helped with the house and kids so much.  It's very overwhelming doing the every day things on your own.  When Rob was deployed all those times, I was able to do them because I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  I was also able to ask him questions and get his advice.  Now, I feel like I'm blindly walking through life praying I do the right things.  As strange as this may seem, I can hear Rob talk to me.  Whether it's me saying the things that Rob would say to me, or him actually saying them to me, I still find comfort in it.  There have been several times when I didn't know where something was at or how to do something when I would "hear" him and then I would find the thing or figure out how to do it.  It's super crazy but I feel we are that connected.  I cling to our memories and cherish the time we spent.  I point out daddy to Eva in pictures and she says "dada".  She will grow up knowing what an amazing daddy she and Julia had.  Julia's doing great.  We have our moments where she likes to "test" me, but for the most part, she's a great help and most definetly a wonderful big sister.  It's hard not being part of the military anymore.  When you move to new places, the military "forced" you to meet new people through coffees and other gatherings.  Being new here, it's hard for me to get out and meet people.  In honesty, I'm too exhausted to even think about meeting people.  I'm still consumed in paperwork and being the "all in one" parent takes a lot out of you.  But, in time, things will get better.  I'm blessed to have the support I do and could not ask for better friends and family.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are doing amazing! Your kids are very lucky to have you.

Liz M.

Nancy Christian said...

You paint such an incredibly strong picture with your writings that it makes me cry. I know that your connection with your husband is still strong and you will hear his voice inside your head and heart for the rest of your life.

Your strength, courage and humbleness is astounding! Just know that you are still a part of the military, be it long distance or not. We military spouses look to you with a shared heart full of love! If you ever need anyone to talk to that is not a part of your intimate circle to get a fresh outlook on a situation, know that I am there for you. We, sadly, got to meet during dire situations, but I am still there for you!

Besos,

Nancy Christian
Andrews AFB Fisher House

George said...

Dena ... those are such great pictures of you three. (I probably like Eva's most ... but the other two are wonderful.)

Keep your chin up, young lady. Rob will never be far away.

Regards.

Heidi said...

Hang in there . . . I promise it does get better but not sure it gets easier. You are doing great!

The Bender's said...

Your Rob is talking with you and never far from you or your beautiful girls. He is always with you, sometimes for comfort but girl I have to say that Rob, even the ever so handy and knowing Rob, is going 'You GO, my Girl!' at the amazing daily achievements his girl is doing and making happen! As the Army says, 'You have defintely sucked it up and keep moving and making everything happen!'. Although you aren't physically located within an Army community anymore, you are forever laced into our homes and hearts. We will keep your home with our's and visit often. And know in time, everyone around you will be blessed with your family as part of their community, homes, and hearts too! Who wouldn't be?? You, your girls, your family are AWESOME and AMAZING!

We love you,
Karen, Craig, Logan and Zach

Liz said...

I knwo you don't feel like it but you are trully an inspiration, especially to us miltary wives. None of us want to face the heartache and pain you are going through, but I know when I feel down or upset, I think about you and your strength that you have shown through all of this.
I have no doubt that you can hear Rob. God does amazing things that we cannot even imagine here on Earth...just think what he does in heaven.
Hoping you find the camera soon...as always you are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Dena...

Your strength is amazing! We read in amazement at your undying love for Rob and the girls!

As a fellow 'Army wife', who lives in Lincoln, and has a 6 yr old daughter, I would love to meet you for coffee and let the girls play!

Call me anytime, 402.430.5518. Hang in there, the best is yet to be!

Brooke

Heather said...

Dena,
Thank you for being so open and honest with us about your feelings. This is a way for you to grieve and you are doing so well. I just want to reach through the computer and wrap my arms around you. I feel connected to you and pray for you and your darling daughters daily. I am so happy to hear that you are settling in and it is such a positive thing to hear you talk about Rob and his presence in your everyday lives. He is there, and will continue to be. Stay strong, hug those girls, and enjoy each day.

Heather in Helena, MT

Anonymous said...

Dena -
I saw a story about war widows on ABC news this evening. A couple of gals from Texas are traveling the country in an RV to meet with other war widows and offer morale support. They are so young, just like you. They are trying to find a way to get back into life, just like you.

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/WoodruffReports/story?id=7159852&page=1

I think of you and pray for you each day. Right now, just get through the days. You can do it. Eventually, joy will come back into your life.

Carol Dzurenko
Powder Springs, GA

Karen said...

Dena,

You and Rob have such an unbreakable love and bond. I am confident that he is still "talking" to you and sending his love to you and his girls!

I miss you and wish there was something I could do to help. Know how much you and the girls are loved. You are amazing!

Carol said...

Hi Dena, I'm sure it is not easy for you losing the one that you,It 's not the same but losing my mom in Feb has for sure left an empty space in my heart. I think of her alot, sometimes I feel that she is telling me things too. Not sure if you have seen my dad yet but he came up to spend some time with Fred and Faye. I know he is having a hard time too after spending 55 yrs with his true love ( my Mom). Any way when I get to feeling blue I think of you and the girls and how you picked up and making a new life. Thank you for sharing. Love Carol

Nancy said...

I know Rob is just as proud of you as we all are. xox. Call me tomorrow...

N

Anonymous said...

Grandma Bev said....
I know Rob is VERY proud of "his girls." Thru this tragedy you have shown the woman you have become. Your strength, integrity, and humility, are amazing, as is your faith. You are a wonderful mother. Julia and Eva are very blessed to have you, just as you are blessed to have them. By God's grace, they will also grow up to have the same faith, humility, integrity and strength. What the devil intends for evil, God can and will turn to good. We may not see it now, but we will in God's time. I pray daily that you and and the girl's will feel God's peace that passes all understanding. May he bless the three of you abundantly. We love you lots!!!

Jillipede said...

Thank you for the update Dena. I wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

I believe you hear him. I have to believe that. I just wanted to let you know that even though you're not "here" with us wives, your very much a part of mine and my husbands' lives. You'll follow us where ever we go. In a way, you'll always be apart of all of our lives. Know that you'll always have places to come stay if ever you want. You are doing so wondering lady. And you have God on your side. Take care.
lacey

About The Caddo Tribe said...

Rob will always be with you and then one day you will be together again!

Shani Ginani

Jenny said...

Thanks for sharing your story Dena. Even though you don't know me, you are in my prayers and are an inspiration of a mother and a strong women. Your faith and humbleness is uplifting.

Bonnie Lacy said...

Dena, you are doing so great. Some days it might not feel like it. Some days you just need to do the day. I'm so blessed by you. God will supply your every need. Need encouragement? It's there. Need money? It's there. Really. Need love? It's there. Need grace? He is our Shepherd, we will not lack.

Love you!

Philip Davis said...

You will always hear Rob as you go through life. He is there to help you in spirit and always will be. Know that I check the blog everyday and wonder how you and the girls are doing. I am glad you are getting by and hope that you can continue to listen to what Rob tells you. Maybe he know where the camera got put in the move.:)

Trish said...

Dena, I'm SO happy you're keeping us up to date - it's as though you are a part of our families now, and we need to hear from you and the girls to know you're doing well - hang in there, and I know Rob IS there with you always - God bless - and if we can help, we're here!! Love and Blessings, Trish Benefield, Rome, Georgia - VP of
www.silverstarfamilies.org

KP said...

It's not crazy. You're remembering what Rob would say - not at all bad.

I don't know you, but still like to keep up with how you are doing. And still like to keep you in my prayers. I don't know why, I'll never meet you, and I never know what to say, but you are often brought to my mind to say a quick prayer for. My gorgeous 27 year old cousin recently lost her husband, leaving her a widow with a 1 year old, and reading what you say kinda helps me understand what she might be thinking. I'm in Australia, she's in USA, and I just never know if she's ok. Your circumstances are quite different, but you've both been left on your own with children. Except you too aren't alone - it is like you have a family, a 'real' one and an online one, surrounding you with love and prayers. In that way you are similar.

Looking foward to seeing how the beauty of grace becomes demonstrated through your lives.

xx.

joyce said...

http://www.americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=12 Saw this link on Airman Mom's site. I hope you have an opportunity to meet with other widows your age and say things only you understand. I hope it is an encouraging thing.

Anonymous said...

Dena:

I have been following your blog since the beginning - and your strength is so amazing. I too am a widow - my husband died from complications from cancer treatments - almost 6 years ago. He was diagnosed just a month after we met - and I firmly believe God - put us together. He fought soooo hard for the 7 years we shared - He was my hero - he was my everything. I went through the same experiences as you did - not wanting to let him go - but not wanting him to suffer. I also had to leave the home he built for me and our kids. None of it was easy - and I have had some times of struggle since - but I have learned what is truly important in this life and learned much about myself - just as you have.

I will never regret the few short years we had together. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him - the ache in my heart is still there for the what could have been's - but it is a dull ache and I have accepted what happened. But, like you - I see him - I hear him - I feel him. A few months after my husbands death I asked him if it was ok if I moved forward - he came to me at that moment as the most beautiful hummingbird.I have never in my life seen one in the wild - I knew it was him - I knew all would be ok.

I believe that the spirit of the people like Rob and my Richard - are with us forever - watching over us. You have been blessed with two little Angels here on earth that are your reason for moving forward - Rob would be so proud of you - you are full of strength and courage. But, it is ok not to be wonderwoman all the time too.

May God Bless you and Julia and Eva. I hope you have many years of happiness in your new home.

Robyn Bohbot - Omaha

Toni said...

Dena,

Congratulations on moving, and with providing your girls with such a beautiful, warm, and loving home.

I know Rob is so proud of all of you. I know as another military wife, I am amazed by you, and sooo proud of you!!

Please continue to live each day as best you can, and I will continue to pray for peace and happiness for you and your wonderful daughters...I have three girls myself, we are both so blessed to have our wonderful girls...

Best Regards,
Toni