Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The rollercoaster continues....

Six months ago today I had to let the love of my life go.  It seems like an eternity ago but I can still feel him so close to me.  I admit, most days are getting easier.  However, as the end of the deployment approaches, the more reality is setting in.  Before, I was able to trick my mind into thinking he was deployed.  But when the soldiers get off the bus and greet their families, mine won't be there.  I won't receive that hug.  Julia won't get to wrestle with daddy and Eva won't get to know the man that held her tiny body before he got on that bus to take him to the airport.  It's so bittersweet.  I'm very relieved the guys came home safe and are now able to reunite with their families.  But, my soldier didn't.  The only thing we have left are memories and the knowing that one day we will have our reunion.  There are so many new firsts that are facing the girls and I.  Some are empowering but most are scary.  I know Rob is walking beside us and guiding our way, I just wish he was physically here doing it.  The more I move forward, the more it feels like I'm letting go.  But, no matter what, Rob will always own a very special part of my heart.  I can see him through our children and feel so blessed every single day that he gave them to me.  Julia has his looks and Eva has his personality.   Pictures are so critical for Julia's memories and Eva's recognition of who her father was.  But pictures just don't do Rob justice.  He had a presence that filled a room.   He was a stern yet respected leader to his soldiers and a kind and loving father to his children.  One of my friends had a quote that I absolutely love: "Some heroes wear capes.  Mine wore combat boots."  Rob, you are my hero.  I love you so much and everything I do, I do so I can see you again in Heaven.


David M said...

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 06/02/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.

Nancy said...

Aw Dena... I remember being at Bethesda with you and family when Rob passed away like it was yesterday. And, as time often does, it seems like just yesterday while also feeling like an eternity has passed. 6 months... It's so surreal that Rob is gone, but I too take comfort in seeing his traits (physical and personality!) in your sweet girls. You are so lucky to have them, and they are blessed to have you.


Heather said...

Once again, sitting here in tears wondering how you can remain such a strong woman. You are amazing! It is hard for me to believe it has already been 6 months and I didn't even know Rob. Now I feel as though I know him. Your descriptions are such a testament to the man he was. Keep telling your daughters what a true gentleman and hero their Daddy was. Best wishes to you on each new day. Know that I pray for you everyday and hope for the best.

Heather in Helena, MT

Anonymous said...

Dena -

My heart breaks for you. I wish your Rob had returned with his guys. I wish you and your girls still had him with you. I wish so much that I had a magic wand.

Keep pushing on. The girls will pull you through. And, there are many, many people out here in the world who are praying for you.

With grateful admiration,

Carol Dzurenko
Powder Springs, GA

Bonnie said...

Dena, tough anniversaries. But I'm sure it doesn't even take the actual dates. Someone holds their head just the way he did and you notice. Or...I don't need to go on.

Our prayers still carry you and the girls to the throne room. We love you!

Rich and Bonnie

Hanson's Family Journey said...

You continue to show how strong you are! There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you and your girls and Rob. God Bless you!!!
Marisa & Mark Hanson

Anonymous said...

Oh, Dena, the Lord has given you such strong faith. Rob is so blessed to have such a wonderful wife. Your girls are so blessed to have such a courageous mother.
You are an inspiration to so many of us who only know you through this site. You have given me new insight into what is honorable.
Know that you are lifted up to God every day.
Clyta Bolze
Topeka, KS

Anonymous said...

Dena, Your strength and resilience amazes me beyond belief. My husband is in 3/1, so I have been following your blog and learning about your husband and family. It sounds like Rob was a truly amazing leader, and his soldiers were lucky to have him as a role model. As this deployment draws to a close, I have been thinking about your family and trying to comprehend what this must feel like for you. I found myself getting upset that it was going to be a few more days or a few more weeks before my husband would head home, and then I read your most recent post. And reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I am so very grateful that my husband will be coming home at all, but I will never forget the sacrifice that too many of his fellow soldiers made. I am praying for you and your family:) Thank you for being such an inspiration to so many people.

Trish said...

Dena, you constantly amaze me - God bless you and those beautiful girls - you are always in our hearts, our thoughts, and our prayers - With Love, Trish of Rome, Georgia

About The Caddo Tribe said...

We continue to pray for you and your family every day. Your girls are getting so big!

Shani Ginani

Anonymous said...


Beau and I think about Rob often. We miss him so much, especially Beau. Beau was reminiscing Sunday about Rob. He was telling me how Rob, Chris, and sometimes Rob’s sisters would come every Sunday to their house for church and then go to the beach. He said they would leave right after church and stay at the beach for hours. Sometimes they wouldn't leave until sunset. Apparently they did this all through high school. From the sound of it they got to be very good at boogie boarding. Beau has so many great memories of Rob. Eventually we would like to write some of them down to share with you and the girls.

Rob will forever be in our thoughts and memories. We miss you Rob.

Beth and Beau

Liz said...

Some heroes wear heels and ballerina shoes as well....at least in my eyes. God bless you Dena. Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Dena, your undying faith, unconditional love for Rob, and amazing strength are not only a blessing to your girls and Rob but to all of us. Thanks for sharing. You are an amazing wife, mother and person. You are also a hero! Rob, I am sure, is very proud of you.

Mike from Topeka, KS said...

It's so hard to believe it has been over six months that I have been praying for Rob, You and your beautiful girls.
I continue to pray for you and the girls as you face each day knowing Jesus loves you and He will rejoice as He re-unites you and Rob in Heaven someday in the future.
Thanks for continuing this post so we can continue to pray for you and the girls specifically.

Mike from Topeka, KS