Holding the Faith

Well, Rob made it through the night. The dr's had said that he had a 90% chance that he may not make it during the night. You know it's scary when the crash cart is sitting in his room. But today his vitals signs and ICP's (brain pressure) held steady. You can see him moving his eyes behind his eyelids. I truly believe he can hear us so I just continue to talk to him quietly. I told him I hope he understands why I made the decision I did. If I didn't feel he was such the fighter he was, I wouldn't have done it. But Rob is amazing and has fought all the odds and I've got to hold strong that he can overcome this with God's miracles. When they suctioned his trach today he also coughed and moved his shoulders. When they cleaned out his mouth, he clenched down with his mouth (he hates getting his mouth cleaned) and I even saw him move his head and mouth. All this is good, because to me, I feel that his brain stem is working. The nurses don't like him moving much because it increases his ICP's but they only go up for a few seconds and then back down to where they want him to be. I get so scared though. It's such a balancing act with his body. He can absolutely have nothing more catastrophic happen to him--especially while his brain is still healing. I have to believe that Rob will overcome this. I prayed so hard last night during his surgery that if he was not going to have a quality of life, God please just take him home. And God got him through this surgery. I have to belive in that. I have to hold strong. I can't think about any other option because it absolutely breaks my heart. Rob is such an amazing person. He is my hero. He is our children's hero. Before I left to come to the hospital tonight, I heard Julia say her bedtime prayers. She said "God, please heal my daddy so he can wrestle with me." Oh, Lord, please hear my daughter's prayers. They come from the most innocent of children who's passion and love for her father is unwaivering. Lord, please heal my husband. Make him your miracle man. You are the Master Healer. As I kiss my little girls before I put them to bed, I pray that God will bring their daddy back to them. It's all in God's hands now. We just have to pray.